Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Rose Tries To Be OK

Just needing to host this .gif for posting elsewhere, because it is too phenomenal not to share. Notice the squaring of Rose's ears at the end...


Monday, June 25, 2012

One's body is only as strong as one's explicitly positive mind.

One's body is only as strong as one's explicitly positive mind.



I received my first DNF (Did Not Finish) for a running race at Saturday's San Juan Solstice 50 mile ultramarathon. What happened? I couldn't do it. Or didn't want to. Or was improperly trained. Whichever you find to be the most honest answer.

Liz Lee and I woke up at 3:45am on Saturday, June 23. We had coffee, bagels, yogurt, and bananas. We left our Lake City cabin and got to the starting line about 5 minutes to 5am, the official starting time. The start was, per ultrarunning's general style, very informal - a child hollered "Ready? Set! GO!" at exactly 5am and we headed up Engineer Pass Road for 2.7 miles.




Segment 1: Alpine Gulch


Liz and I checking out the stream crossings on 6-21-2012


    Liz and I stuck together up Engineer Pass Road, a dirt jeep road, cranking out ~9:30 miles to get a good position in the pack for the climb up Alpine Gulch. Liz and I thought it would be better to get at least in the middle before heading up the single track, as there are about 8 stream crossings in the first 4 miles. The RD recommended NOT crossing on the [somewhat shady] log bridges and just plunging into the snow-melt-fed water in the icy twilight hours. We made it up the first five miles (7.7 miles total) of Alpine Gulch to receive aid, although neither of us "needed" anything at this point of the day. Then we climbed up to about 13,000' around mile 10 before descending into Williams Creek. We were both surprisingly wrecked at this point, both having underestimated the ~4,500' steep climb in the first 10 miles of the race.



Receiving aid from my dad at Williams Creek Cmpgrn






       We made it into Williams Creek Campground at mile 15.7 both feeling slightly discouraged, me perhaps moreso. It was about 9am at this point, so we were right on the schedule that we wanted to be.




Segment 2: Carson


     We left Williams Creek Campground about 9:15 after grabbing some food. We walked and ran up the jeep road for 2.5 out of Williams Creek and turned onto the Wager Gulch jeep road to head massively uphill again. It was shortly after turning onto this road that I realized there was no way to keep up with Liz. She was trying for a personal record of beating her 2007 time and I was just trying to finish. We agreed that she should just continue on, and so for the next 6 hours I was by myself.

     I was feeling really bad at this point, and really hadn't been able to eat all day. In retrospect, I think I had actually been taking too many electrolyte-replacement-pills and drinking too much water, as my symptoms were consistant with being overhydrated and being high on electrolytes. I decided that it would probably be the safest if I dropped at Carson ghost town, the aid station at 22 miles.

     I reached Carson aid station, mile 22, around 11:30. I had already decided I was dropping at this point, so I decided to take a seat and try to eat some food. The only thing I was finally able to eat was some ramen noodles. At this point it was about noon. This aid station closed at 12:30, at which point they would drive stragglers back to town. However, I started to feel a little bit better and decided to at least try to make it to the next aid station. I left the aid station about five minutes after noon to head up to the continental divide.


Segment 3: The Divide


     At this point I had been climbing since I left my parents around mile 16, and I still had three miles of climbing to look forward to. However, I was feeling stubborn and a little bit stronger and decided to go for it. And I had been singing this lyric, which I wrote, to myself:

"Smile 'til you feel it
'til your breathing believes it
And your heart will eventually fall in line.
That's what they tell me
when the shit's fresh on the fan
And the gloom's so deep you can't see your hands"

     I made it to ~13,200' at Coney Peak around 1:30, hopped on the Colorado Trail (CT), and struggled my way along the CT trying to make it to the aid station at mile 31. It would have been absolutely gorgeous along this section of the trail, but for one [seemingly] macrocosm: CO is suffering from some very heinous forest fires right now, and there was a lot of smoke in the air at this point.

     The smoke had made its way into Lake City, and once I got to Coney Peak, I actually could not see any peaks in the distance, although I was well above tree line on an exposed ridge at this point. I had been struggling to get a full breath for the past couple of hours, but had attributed it to the altitude. Once I started feeling like I was in the depths of bronchitis, I decided that it was at least partially the smoke in the air.

     I felt like, to borrow a line from Scrubs, "I had taken something as far as it could go" once I reached the divide around mile 25. I knew that there were only about 10-15 runners behind me at this point, and that I really had two options: walk back down to Carson, 3 miles back, and hope they hadn't already moved the aid station back down (it closed at 12:30), or make it to the next aid station 6 miles ahead. The weather was good, I had ample water (probably too much!), and decided to walk/run to the next aid station.


    I showed up at the mile 31 (50 kilometers!) aid station around 3:30 feeling, again, pretty badly. I did the same thing that I did at Carson and sat down in a chair until I was able to stomach some food (ramen noodles) and felt a little power come back to my legs. There were a few other runners which were struggling as badly as I was to keep me company. This aid station had no "closing time," but the next aid station (9 miles up at mile 40) closed at 6. I didn't feel remotely good until about 4pm, and knew that there was virtually no hope for me to run 3.5 miles per hour to reach the mile 40 cutoff. I decided that the safest thing to do was to be satisfied with the most difficult 50km I had ever run.


   Thus, the ride of shame!




     The only way to get down without walking 9 miles was to stick around for another half hour until all the runners had passed through so that the aid station could close, and get a ride down to Slumgullion at mile 40. I ended up riding down on the aid station's 6-wheeler, which had a flat bed on the back with the aid station's gurney strapped down in it. The gurney was an aluminum frame attached to two full size bike front forks. It was a pretty shady 9 mile ride down some technical terrain, but Guy took it reasonably slow and got me down safely.

    About a half hour prior, I officially dropped out of the race at the aid station. I asked if they could tell my parents, who were down at Slumgullion (mile 40) waiting for me to run down, not having heard anything about my struggles since I left them at mile 16 in the morning. They were happy to see my come down the divide on the 6-wheeler and give me a hug.

   Liz finished the race, kicking butt like we all knew she would! I am very proud of her. I am glad that 1.  She was able to book the two of us a nice cabin to acclimate for the race, 2. Hang out with me for a week, and 3. That I have such neat friends.

   I do not view my "DNF" as a failure, but that being said, I still intend to step away from ultrarunning for a little bit. I have enough of my plate trying to finish up my MS degree.

   Thanks for being supportive, everyone!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hello, 2012!

"No distance of place or lapse of time can 

lessen the friendship of those who are 

thoroughly persuaded of each others’ worth." -

 Robert Southey




     Wow. Do you realize that it is nearly mid-May? I turned 25, and 2012 is nearly half over. Here is a concise summary of my year thus far in a poem and a few collages, which I will follow up with a more elaborate description. 


A Song For The Gaps (And Erik)


I finally started to write and be happy with my words;
And no, I wasn't singing about granite or rocks
But sharpening a knife I suppose, or hope,
And wondering how it took so long
Expect less and you'll get more
Don't get caught (you'll be late for sure)
      By and by
Concrete thoughts
And just know that viscous switch
Can find you; if you know.

Catch a ride a boat, a bird, across you'll float,
Grab me if you can,
As we meet across a sea yet again,
And pass by to yet another "Bye"
But not before a beam of light
To last until the next "Hello."
[hook]
Maybe that is how we see
If we choose to measure a soul
How bright the light on this bow
How much it did and does


Reverberation
Reflection
Redemption?
I know now, I hope.



So smile real big,
So that she may borrow,
A swill of light, A still life born,
Enough to hold me over until,
Another time my mind works fine,
Til the next beam, say thank-eee, Sai.

So write,
Even if you can't edit,
So that I can put a loan out on,
Until the next time that the dogwood's bloom
Til you feel southern wind,
And it blows you through.



Please keep our fire burning slow,
Soft tho and nurse it like a baby Rose
And stand back for future turns,
Try and Diverge when thinking
And please always wonder with intent,
If not for reason, for a sake
A cause of wondering (promise)
Don't ever let me win
Even if I can't make sets of this
Don't ever hyperbolate
That shit crazy, for our sake
And when the hardship comes again,
As it will, like ka, like a wind,
Know that we can't know,
And that is completely
Intent
Alright



Hmm. That seems like an adequate description of what has happened since moving down to Knoxville on January 12, 2012. Here are some other salient/obtuse _____lights of the first 5 months in K-town:

  • I mis-gauged the amount of time/resources that teaching labs and coursework would take out of my weekly schedule. That being said, the first semester is completely over here at UTK and I was more than successful! That shouldn't be understated (please understand that I only say this last part for my sake, who would be the first to understate these kinds of accomplishments - I think mayn of you can relate to this?). I didn't work on my thesis a great deal, but I achieved so much else along the way.
  • I got more involved in the Knoxville running community, participating in a few Knoxville Track Club events this spring, as well as the Fall Creek Falls 50km race. My proudest running accomplishments to date -- 4th place overall in the FCF50k and 3rd overall in the Dark Hollow Wallow -- were achieved this spring.
  • I have met a lot of amazing people and re-met a lot of amazing friends. As a completely non-exclusive and stream-of-consciousness list...:
    • Jackie and Paul are truly amazing people. I will miss them dearly once they move to Asheville.
    • Renee Arozqueta is a really amazing person. A person whom I met in Barley's and immediately thought, "I have to be this person's friend. Please."
    • People like Maggie Malam, Peg&RogerJameyKim, Erik/Jacob/Ben, Hannah, Tim Diedesch, Holly, Remy, and Bekah continue to make their love easily accessible, transparent, and abundant.
    • I met this amazing woman Angelyn whom I really really like. 100%..
    • My parents, sister, and for that matter, all my family, continues to be the most amazing family ever. Do you know how every person thinks that their family is truly the greatest thing ever? It's very nice that they think that, but in reality, I do have the greatest family. :-)
    • My roommate, Christy, is a really genuine and loving person. She would never curse at me ;), show me disdain, or hatred. She is a dreamer, and there are many days which I am envious of that trait. I am really glad I chose to live with a roommate at all, and consider myself immensely lucky to have Christy as a roommate.

Bottom line is that it has been a very productive year so far, and there are so many things which I try to express my gratitude for - no doubt often falling short - and hope that the rest of 2012 brings the same modicum of experience & experiences.

In another couple of weeks, I will be leaving for Colorado do to field work, a race, and TA a field camp. Here is my approximate summer schedule for those of you that are interested (and those that aren't, since your peripheral vision has at least glanced at the list already).



June 9 - Laura Marling Concert in Asheville. I am very excited for this....
June 11 - Leave Knoxville in the AM with Hannah Johnson, my road trip companion, and drive to Kansas City-ish.
June 12 - Leave KC, drive to Denver.
June 13 - Drive to Montrose and pick up Micah (5 hours). 
June 13 - 15 - Field work with Micah (and Rose!) in the Black Canyon.
June 16 - Drive Micah to Montrose airport, pick. Liz up from Montrose airport. Drive to Lake City (2 hrs)
June 16 - June 23 - Hang out in Lake City with Rose, Liz, and Donnie, acclimatizing for SJS, race, rest on the 24th
June 24 - Drive Liz to Montrose (2 hrs).
June 25 - July 12 - Field work in the Black Canyon of the Gunnison
July 13 - Drive up to Molas Lake to meet up with UALR
July  13 - July 27 - TA field camp with UALR/Mike DeAngelis/Beth McMillan
July 28 - Drive to Denver, pick up Hannah
July 29 - 31 - Drive from Denver to Knoxville, stopping at least one night en route to rest. Cities TBD.



That's it. I hope to catch up with you all on the other side.



Thank you all so very much,

Donnie














Thursday, January 5, 2012

December - Oh wait, January 2012!

Last life-update that I'll post in Minnesota. I am moving (back to) Knoxville on Sunday with both my folks and my sister.

2011 was tricky, as I am sure it was for many (all?) of you, at least at times. I cranked through a lot of therapy, including physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. I did several months of in-home therapy through the Courage Center, then transferred to the Sister Kenney Rehabilitation Institution to do outpatient therapy through 2011.

I have now "graduated" from therapies and hopefully have all the tools to succeed in Knoxville. My biggest issue is still fatigue, as my brain is working harder to do things than it had to before December 24 of 2010. Working long hours is still a ways down the road for me, which makes me very nervous for "grad school," which I still associate with working 60-80 hour weeks as I did in fall 2009 and all of 2010. So please, be patient with me as I get back into the swing of things. That is not to say I deserve special treatment. As my colleagues will soon find out, I, for all intents-and-purposes, seem "normal." It as not as if I will be a stuttered baboon; at least, not until I consume multiple lattes in a short period of time! As all of my family and friends know, I am, and probably always be a bit of a spaz. Just as Jamey wrote in my letter of recommendation, with what I can only assume is all the love in the world, "Donnie is great and all, he is just a spaz."  =) Grinning like a madman right now.

Oh... So, welcome back from that tangential and suspiciously baboon-like rambling. As I was saying, I am very anxious about not being able to work hard enough to "make it" as a grad student. But my fatigue tolerance will likely increase a great deal throughout 2012 as I start to cognitively challenge myself more.

Brain tissue is unfortunately not regenerative, so anything lost is gone for good. However, your brain makes new connections as you re-learn how to do certain things, and I have done a great deal of "healing" this year. I remember when my friends came to visit me in February of 2011, I watched the movie "Get Smart" about 4 times, all of which were the first time for me. I joked about the benefit of being able to experience things multiple times.

Here are some, but not all, highlights and things I am thankful for that happened in 2011, in semi-chronological order:


  1. My friends coming to visit me when I got out of the hospital in February.
  2. Hanging out with Rose :)
  3. Chasing away that darned fox.
  4. Noticing dragonflies everywhere and developing an even better relationship with them



















5.   Getting even more into climbing, assembling a sport rack, getting started on my trad rack, and making some great friends along the way.
6.   Seeing my sister graduate from Hamline University and getting an opportunity to be a tangible part of her life. I wish I was a better brother. My sister kicks butt! Make sure you get her autograph before she turns into a famous poet and changes the world (more than she already has) with her poetry and teaching.
7.   Getting the tattoo. Love you, Kali! =) It is a personal thing, but "two boats" was a metaphor she had developed for our relationship over the past 6 years.


8. Taking the trip that Kali and I were planning on taking in summer of 2011: out to Colorado to see my research area in the Black Canyon of the Gunnison, then back through Omaha to visit her alma mater at Creighton University. So many things come along with this: spending time with Jamey & Kim (<3), seeing CU and touring the campus with Patrick Kinney, and getting to show my amazing parents the Black Canyon of the Gunnison. Stopping into Firebrand Deli. Drinking some Modus Hoperandi, seeing Rose romp around off-leash in high-alpine meadows, going for epic trail runs down the Animas River Gorge, crying on top of Snowden Peak (where better?!), visiting my favorite sweet Colorado coffee shops, and, as always, all the new friends I got to make and spend time with.

9. Becoming a runner? This was something I never saw happening. In fact, I always teased Liz for being a runner, because she seemed to always injure herself, including spraining her ankle walking (read: WALKING) down an unobstructed hallway. However, I got into this whole ultrarunning scene, and ran my first marathon and first trail ultramarathon (Wild Duluth 50k). San Juan Solstice, a 50 mile ultramarathon outside of Lake City, CO, is up next, where Liz and I will fly out and do some epic trail tunning.

10. Going back down to Omaha, getting a chance to share a favorite song of Kali and mine, and participating in the dedication of a gift. I am in the process of setting up a fund so that the "Kali Mann Memorial 'Iron Jawed Angel' Award for Leadership in Service of Gender-Justice" will have a financial payout to its recipient. Look out for news regarding this, as anyone will be able to donate ANY amount to the fund.

11. My epic Kali-And-Donnie-T-Shirt-Quilt. Enough said.
























12.  Getting my dad, sister, and Dustin on the rope outside at Red Wing. Jenna's Chimney, 5.5, woohoo! ;)

13.   Spending time with Liz (a.k.a. Wiss) and Alice (a.k.a. Aliceson) down in Houston

14.   Getting more into bread baking. Thanks to one of my best friends (for now, our friend contract is due to expire next year, I hear) Erik, for introducing me to the Tassajara method of baking bread.

15.   Spending time with my mom and dad, including a trip we did out to Taylors Falls, where I demonstrated how to safely build a top-rope anchor. I can't emphasize the first seven words of this sentence enough. How are parents so amazing?

16.   Rekindling old friendships, particularly my friendship with Bekah. 

“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.”


17.   Going up north, trying deer hunting for the first time, spending time with Leo, Eric, Corrin, and the Manns

18. Everything one and everything I forgot to mention. Edit: Having a concert buddy, Maggie, and going to many amazing shows this year.

19. Love. From my parents, sister, friends, acquaintances, all the way to total strangers. I will leave you with a transcription from 'Kali-and-my-movie,' Away We Go. Watch this film! Wish  me luck and safety regarding the move down to Knoxville and the pursuit of my Ms degree. I will keep y'all updated.



Okay, so you kiss, you do other things

and then you make a baby.

The baby comes in there
and he nestles in.

And you guys hug and get real tight.
And then we do this.

And this. There..

It's your house.
Now what is this?

Is that a home? Is that a family?

No. No, of course not.
That's just the raw material.

The people, the walls, the furniture.
Okay, so that's the basics.

But that's not a home.
That's not a family.

What binds it all together is this.

This is love.

This is your love, guys.

Here it comes. The patience, your
consideration, your better selves.

Man, you just have no idea
how good you can be.

But you have to use all of it.
All of it.

It's not like simple masonry,

where you use a little layer of mortar
between each row of bricks.

No. With this,
you have to use tons of it.

For every brick, there's
a half-ton of mortar.

I thought we were doing syrup.

It's the glue.

It's all those good
things you have in you.

The love,

the wisdom, the generosity.
The selflessness.

The patience. Patience.

At 3:00 a.m., when everyone's
awake because Ibrahim is sick

and he can't find the bathroom and
he just puked in Katya's bed.

Patience when you blink...
It was awful.

When you blink and it's 5:and it is time to get up again,
and you know you're going to be tired
all day, all week, all your fucking life.

And you are thinking,

And you have to be willing to make
the family out of whatever you have.
You have to be so much
better than you ever thought.